Back in San Miguel de Allende
After my trip out into the desert
A need to rest
Wash my stinky clothes
Get some sleep
And write myself
Into the future
So...
After my trip out into the desert
A need to rest
Wash my stinky clothes
Get some sleep
And write myself
Into the future
So...
1.
The last thing I posted
Was something about a
Thought/realisation I had
Sitting in the back of a pickup
Exiting Las Margaritas
That I said was difficult
To put into words
When actually...
It probably isn't
Especially if I allow myself to stumble over it
Begin by mumbling how it was
Something about
Experience
Memory
And transformation
Something about how
In the seeking of experience
We often create a memory
And memory can create attachment
For we may look back
Want it again
Even come to believe
It meant something that it didn't really
Whereas what we really seek
(Probably)
Is transformation
And experience
No matter how profound
Doesn't necessarily guarantee that
Though it may give the illusion
That transformation has taken place
Meanwhile
The question is
"Can we have transformation
Without experience?"
And
In the moment
I believed that the answer was
"Yes"
And that made me smile
And feel good
And felt like something of a reward
For turning my back on peyote
An unexpected train of thought
Out of the blue
Which I imagine makes little sense to others
But perhaps means something
Good
Was something about a
Thought/realisation I had
Sitting in the back of a pickup
Exiting Las Margaritas
That I said was difficult
To put into words
When actually...
It probably isn't
Especially if I allow myself to stumble over it
Begin by mumbling how it was
Something about
Experience
Memory
And transformation
Something about how
In the seeking of experience
We often create a memory
And memory can create attachment
For we may look back
Want it again
Even come to believe
It meant something that it didn't really
Whereas what we really seek
(Probably)
Is transformation
And experience
No matter how profound
Doesn't necessarily guarantee that
Though it may give the illusion
That transformation has taken place
Meanwhile
The question is
"Can we have transformation
Without experience?"
And
In the moment
I believed that the answer was
"Yes"
And that made me smile
And feel good
And felt like something of a reward
For turning my back on peyote
An unexpected train of thought
Out of the blue
Which I imagine makes little sense to others
But perhaps means something
Good
2.
Then I was in Real de Catorce
Talking about how cold it was
And how it didn't match my expectations
In any way whatsoever
Though...
It did grow on me
After a good night's sleep
Snuggled under blankets
(My first real bed
All to myself
In something like six months)
Despite profuse
Dogs
Donkeys
Thunder
And dreams
(And the hotel running out of
Water and electricity)
And I thought maybe I could stay a bit longer
(But do what?)
And instead decided to walk down the back road
Down the mad mountain
That people generally only do in
Massively suspensionised
Vintage jeeps
It's so crazy and bumpy
But here I go
On my two feet
With my wheely case
(Sometimes on my shoulder
When the rocks get too bad)
And it's pretty lovely
And perhaps bonkers
(It's about 11 km
Back to the highway)
But I don't care about that
Beats the alternative
And, in any case
After about half an hour
A police pickup comes bouncing down the hill
Out goes my thumb
And in the back I jump
Four cops in the front
Two in the bed with me
And it's lovely
Talking about how cold it was
And how it didn't match my expectations
In any way whatsoever
Though...
It did grow on me
After a good night's sleep
Snuggled under blankets
(My first real bed
All to myself
In something like six months)
Despite profuse
Dogs
Donkeys
Thunder
And dreams
(And the hotel running out of
Water and electricity)
And I thought maybe I could stay a bit longer
(But do what?)
And instead decided to walk down the back road
Down the mad mountain
That people generally only do in
Massively suspensionised
Vintage jeeps
It's so crazy and bumpy
But here I go
On my two feet
With my wheely case
(Sometimes on my shoulder
When the rocks get too bad)
And it's pretty lovely
And perhaps bonkers
(It's about 11 km
Back to the highway)
But I don't care about that
Beats the alternative
And, in any case
After about half an hour
A police pickup comes bouncing down the hill
Out goes my thumb
And in the back I jump
Four cops in the front
Two in the bed with me
And it's lovely
3.
From there
(Estacion Wadley)
I'm wondering what to do next
Head on back to San Miguel de Allende?
Head north, and break intoTexas
Now only six hours away?
Or return to Las Margaritas?
Where an Irish anthropologist
Has expressed an interest in buying my phone
(He's lost his
Needs one
Can't get one within a four hour bus journey)
And, of course
Where the peyote dwells
But -
First things first
I'm hungry
And thirsty
And need to take care of that
In a little roadside shack
Where the kindly woman
Whips me up something non-meaty and good
(And only ten pesos!)
(Forty British pence!)
And while I'm sitting there
A guy in a pickup
Asks me if I want a ride to
Las Margaritas
And I figure that's that decision
Taken care of
And off we go
Back to the desert
Infinitely better than my first
Frustrating walk down that road
And an entirely different feeling
Than two days before
(Estacion Wadley)
I'm wondering what to do next
Head on back to San Miguel de Allende?
Head north, and break into
Now only six hours away?
Or return to Las Margaritas?
Where an Irish anthropologist
Has expressed an interest in buying my phone
(He's lost his
Needs one
Can't get one within a four hour bus journey)
And, of course
Where the peyote dwells
But -
First things first
I'm hungry
And thirsty
And need to take care of that
In a little roadside shack
Where the kindly woman
Whips me up something non-meaty and good
(And only ten pesos!)
(Forty British pence!)
And while I'm sitting there
A guy in a pickup
Asks me if I want a ride to
Las Margaritas
And I figure that's that decision
Taken care of
And off we go
Back to the desert
Infinitely better than my first
Frustrating walk down that road
And an entirely different feeling
Than two days before
4.
I think going to Real de Catorce
Has shifted something
Certainly, my first time in Las Margaritas
I'd been thinking of that place a lot
Perhaps as a better place
And therefore lacked a bit of focus
But now that's done
Necessarily so
And things have changed
Has shifted something
Certainly, my first time in Las Margaritas
I'd been thinking of that place a lot
Perhaps as a better place
And therefore lacked a bit of focus
But now that's done
Necessarily so
And things have changed
5.
I find the Irish guy
And things have changed for him too
He'd been in a bad space
Head-wise
The first time I'd met him
But I guess he'd had a chance
To get it off his chest
(He'd said he was on the verge of leaving
Despite having six months left
On his project)
And now he was all good
And bought my phone
And things being more expensive here
Despite it not working quite as well as when I bought it
Back in the UK a year ago
He gave me more than I paid for it
(I did sell him it for less
Than he initially offered, though)
And that's a good bit of business
In anyone's book
Plus
It frees me from my phone
Stops my mind
From wanting to
Take pictures
Run a finger across a screen
Listen to things rather than think
And be ever on the lookout for a wifi connection
Which are all good things
When you're on the road
And trying to be in the flow
(For the most part...)
And things have changed for him too
He'd been in a bad space
Head-wise
The first time I'd met him
But I guess he'd had a chance
To get it off his chest
(He'd said he was on the verge of leaving
Despite having six months left
On his project)
And now he was all good
And bought my phone
And things being more expensive here
Despite it not working quite as well as when I bought it
Back in the UK a year ago
He gave me more than I paid for it
(I did sell him it for less
Than he initially offered, though)
And that's a good bit of business
In anyone's book
Plus
It frees me from my phone
Stops my mind
From wanting to
Take pictures
Run a finger across a screen
Listen to things rather than think
And be ever on the lookout for a wifi connection
Which are all good things
When you're on the road
And trying to be in the flow
(For the most part...)
6.
While chatting with him
Things start happening in the village
Families are fiesta-ing
People are dressing in their finest cowboy outfits
Organising chaotic horse races
Pickup truck sound systems are blaring
Tecate Light is being consumed
A film crew is trying to make a movie
And a whole bunch of
Alcoholics Anonymous
Evangelical Christians
Are preparing to go into the desert
Eat some peyote
And pray to Jesus
(An interesting blend)
Plus other stuff;
In a nutshell
It's a whole bunch of cultural experience
But
Me being me
Especially now the beer is flowing
I think I'd rather be off on my own
Somewhere quiet
Digging nature
I find that interesting
And find I feel
Zero qualms and regrets
About leaving such
Chances for observing others
(And future stories)
Behind
Things start happening in the village
Families are fiesta-ing
People are dressing in their finest cowboy outfits
Organising chaotic horse races
Pickup truck sound systems are blaring
Tecate Light is being consumed
A film crew is trying to make a movie
And a whole bunch of
Alcoholics Anonymous
Evangelical Christians
Are preparing to go into the desert
Eat some peyote
And pray to Jesus
(An interesting blend)
Plus other stuff;
In a nutshell
It's a whole bunch of cultural experience
But
Me being me
Especially now the beer is flowing
I think I'd rather be off on my own
Somewhere quiet
Digging nature
I find that interesting
And find I feel
Zero qualms and regrets
About leaving such
Chances for observing others
(And future stories)
Behind
7.
I walk to the nice camping spot
But others are there
And so I go further
A couple of miles from the pueblito
Totally alone
Then I take a little hike into the emptiness
Charging through brush and spikes
Find myself seemingly on some mission
And come fairly pronto
To a cute little peyote
Sitting there looking at me
It's a curious moment...
The way one can walk
For hours
In this desert
On the hunt
And find nothing
And yet...
Seemingly I've been magnetised to it
And as I kneel down and say hello
Totally opposite to before
I get a
"Yes"
And decide to go for it
Get out my spoon
Slice it out the ground
Brush off the dirt
Pop it in my mouth
Chew
And swallow
But others are there
And so I go further
A couple of miles from the pueblito
Totally alone
Then I take a little hike into the emptiness
Charging through brush and spikes
Find myself seemingly on some mission
And come fairly pronto
To a cute little peyote
Sitting there looking at me
It's a curious moment...
The way one can walk
For hours
In this desert
On the hunt
And find nothing
And yet...
Seemingly I've been magnetised to it
And as I kneel down and say hello
Totally opposite to before
I get a
"Yes"
And decide to go for it
Get out my spoon
Slice it out the ground
Brush off the dirt
Pop it in my mouth
Chew
And swallow
8.
One, of course
Won't be enough
Will I find more?
Well...
Suddenly
It's like I can see them from
Miles away
I walk straight up to
One after another
And ask the question
And six out of ten say
"Sure
Go ahead
Eat me"
And I do
Won't be enough
Will I find more?
Well...
Suddenly
It's like I can see them from
Miles away
I walk straight up to
One after another
And ask the question
And six out of ten say
"Sure
Go ahead
Eat me"
And I do
9.
It's almost sunset
I go back to my tent
Wonder what we're in for
Notice a calming of thought
A nice sense of focus
An ability to be still
Those things feel good
But the rest of it...
The rest of it is kind of shitty
Nothing much happens
Save a lack of sleep
A queasy feeling in my gut, under my skin
And a sense of tediousness
With the whole thing 'cos
If nothing's going to happen
Why do I have to stay awake all night
Feeling yucky?
"It's just a drug"
I think to myself
"And a fairly rubbish one at that"
I'm pretty confrontational with the peyote
Tell it
"You're not as good as mushrooms
Not even as good as LSD"
Tell it
"You know what?
You're beneath me
There's nothing you can do for me"
And conclude
Nothing's happening 'cos
I already walked through the mescaline door
Two years ago
With San Pedro
That those lessons
That expansion
Has already taken place
It doesn't surprise me
It's happened before
With iboga
(The stone dropped in the lake
Makes much less of an impact
Then the stone dropped in
The glass)
And
It's all just a bit annoying
The sleepless night
The queasiness
The sense of having ingested
A toxin
A drug
And yet...
Weirdly
My solution to the situation
Is to eat even more
A wondering that
Maybe I just haven't had enough
And if I could have walked straight
I would have got some
But I couldn't
So I just laid there
Till morning
And waited it out
As best I could
I go back to my tent
Wonder what we're in for
Notice a calming of thought
A nice sense of focus
An ability to be still
Those things feel good
But the rest of it...
The rest of it is kind of shitty
Nothing much happens
Save a lack of sleep
A queasy feeling in my gut, under my skin
And a sense of tediousness
With the whole thing 'cos
If nothing's going to happen
Why do I have to stay awake all night
Feeling yucky?
"It's just a drug"
I think to myself
"And a fairly rubbish one at that"
I'm pretty confrontational with the peyote
Tell it
"You're not as good as mushrooms
Not even as good as LSD"
Tell it
"You know what?
You're beneath me
There's nothing you can do for me"
And conclude
Nothing's happening 'cos
I already walked through the mescaline door
Two years ago
With San Pedro
That those lessons
That expansion
Has already taken place
It doesn't surprise me
It's happened before
With iboga
(The stone dropped in the lake
Makes much less of an impact
Then the stone dropped in
The glass)
And
It's all just a bit annoying
The sleepless night
The queasiness
The sense of having ingested
A toxin
A drug
And yet...
Weirdly
My solution to the situation
Is to eat even more
A wondering that
Maybe I just haven't had enough
And if I could have walked straight
I would have got some
But I couldn't
So I just laid there
Till morning
And waited it out
As best I could
10.
Also
I'm not surprised by any of this
I've had my reservations and doubts
Sparked mainly by
The kind of people who kept telling me it was good
Most of whom did so
With a cigarette in one hand
And a Tecate Light in the other
Not the kind of vibe I aspire to
And
A confusion in my brain
That if they've truly tapped into something
"Spiritual and magical"
Why are they still doing such base, low vibration things?
I guess the answer is simple:
They haven't
(Though, it has to be said
A few I met who had partaken
I liked a lot
And respected
And lived lives
I admired greatly)
But still...
I'm not surprised by any of this
I've had my reservations and doubts
Sparked mainly by
The kind of people who kept telling me it was good
Most of whom did so
With a cigarette in one hand
And a Tecate Light in the other
Not the kind of vibe I aspire to
And
A confusion in my brain
That if they've truly tapped into something
"Spiritual and magical"
Why are they still doing such base, low vibration things?
I guess the answer is simple:
They haven't
(Though, it has to be said
A few I met who had partaken
I liked a lot
And respected
And lived lives
I admired greatly)
But still...
11.
Now
Though I say "nothing happened"
That wasn't quite right
For in there among the silliness of having
Made myself ill
There were also some interesting thoughts:
The first one being
How entirely clear it was that
The peyote wasn't saying
"Eat me"
Or, a few days before
Telling me not to
That was just me
Projecting onto it
Inventing the whole thing
And that made me think about all the other things
I might be projecting
Onto life, and onto others
And as I've pondered before
I think it's pretty all-encompassing
And something useful to consider
And also a little bit scary
Because
In a nutshell
Probably whenever I think someone is thinking something
It's most likely me that's actually thinking it
And that's just scratching the surface...
Though I say "nothing happened"
That wasn't quite right
For in there among the silliness of having
Made myself ill
There were also some interesting thoughts:
The first one being
How entirely clear it was that
The peyote wasn't saying
"Eat me"
Or, a few days before
Telling me not to
That was just me
Projecting onto it
Inventing the whole thing
And that made me think about all the other things
I might be projecting
Onto life, and onto others
And as I've pondered before
I think it's pretty all-encompassing
And something useful to consider
And also a little bit scary
Because
In a nutshell
Probably whenever I think someone is thinking something
It's most likely me that's actually thinking it
And that's just scratching the surface...
12.
I also thought that my entire life seemed to simply be
The having of ideas
And the living them out
Which also seemed kind of tedious
And yawnsome
And I thought
"There really has to be something
Beyond that -
But...
OMG
What if there isn't?"
The having of ideas
And the living them out
Which also seemed kind of tedious
And yawnsome
And I thought
"There really has to be something
Beyond that -
But...
OMG
What if there isn't?"
13.
If there were other things
I can't quite remember them now
And let me say again:
It was predominantly
Tedious
Annoying
Laughable
- Such a cliché!
The white guy in the desert
In the middle of the night
Chomping on cactus
And trying to find something
(It didn't do Jim Morrison much good) -
And a bit of an embarrassing let down
To have done that to myself
When turning my back on it
Had felt so pure and good
And yet...
I can't quite remember them now
And let me say again:
It was predominantly
Tedious
Annoying
Laughable
- Such a cliché!
The white guy in the desert
In the middle of the night
Chomping on cactus
And trying to find something
(It didn't do Jim Morrison much good) -
And a bit of an embarrassing let down
To have done that to myself
When turning my back on it
Had felt so pure and good
And yet...
14.
The next day
Feeling better with the rising sun
I went for a long walk in the desert
(A couple of hours;
Found nothing)
And then headed back to a spot
I'd been at a few days previously
Where I knew there were plenty
And figured:
Since we're here
We might as well go for it
And if I regret doing it
As long as I don't permanently damage myself
I'll probably regret it less
Than the next time I meet another person
Who tells me they ate peyote
And had all these wonderful things happen
And I'm there thinking
"Damn, I want wonderful things too
I really shoulda done that"
(But now several thousand miles away)
So...
I pick about 18-20 big buttons
A good kilo or so of cactus
Plenty more than is supposed to be necessary
(But that old theory
That I always need more
Due to all that meditation and vision questing)
(As well as the rest of it)
And I spend most of the afternoon
Chopping it down
Softening it up
Trying to render it more palatable
(Nasty tasting thing!)
Often mostly thinking
Probably I won't eat it
Would like to turn my back on it again
But might as well be ready
Just in case...
And then a bit before sunset
A Huichol guy turns up
With a couple from San Luis
And he gives me this smile
And I think
You know what?
I like his vibe
Maybe there is something in this after all
And that's the clincher
And so off I go
Back once more into the desert
And
With a bottle of apple juice
And a bunch of water
Manage to drink the
Whole rotten mess
A kilo of peyote
And that's gotta be enough
To send pretty much anyone
Into the zone
Right?
Feeling better with the rising sun
I went for a long walk in the desert
(A couple of hours;
Found nothing)
And then headed back to a spot
I'd been at a few days previously
Where I knew there were plenty
And figured:
Since we're here
We might as well go for it
And if I regret doing it
As long as I don't permanently damage myself
I'll probably regret it less
Than the next time I meet another person
Who tells me they ate peyote
And had all these wonderful things happen
And I'm there thinking
"Damn, I want wonderful things too
I really shoulda done that"
(But now several thousand miles away)
So...
I pick about 18-20 big buttons
A good kilo or so of cactus
Plenty more than is supposed to be necessary
(But that old theory
That I always need more
Due to all that meditation and vision questing)
(As well as the rest of it)
And I spend most of the afternoon
Chopping it down
Softening it up
Trying to render it more palatable
(Nasty tasting thing!)
Often mostly thinking
Probably I won't eat it
Would like to turn my back on it again
But might as well be ready
Just in case...
And then a bit before sunset
A Huichol guy turns up
With a couple from San Luis
And he gives me this smile
And I think
You know what?
I like his vibe
Maybe there is something in this after all
And that's the clincher
And so off I go
Back once more into the desert
And
With a bottle of apple juice
And a bunch of water
Manage to drink the
Whole rotten mess
A kilo of peyote
And that's gotta be enough
To send pretty much anyone
Into the zone
Right?
15.
Guess what?
Nothing happens
Even less than the day before
Just the queasiness
The inability to sleep
(Though not so bad)
The discomfort in my skin
And the annoyance of having this
Toxicity
In my body
And having to wait it out
But...
At least we did it
And will never wonder
What might have been
Nothing happens
Even less than the day before
Just the queasiness
The inability to sleep
(Though not so bad)
The discomfort in my skin
And the annoyance of having this
Toxicity
In my body
And having to wait it out
But...
At least we did it
And will never wonder
What might have been
16.
I know why this happened
Or, at least
I have my theory
Thing is
With these things
What we're actually feeling
When it's so powerful and overwhelming
Are the stretch marks
The gap between where we are
And where they take you to
(However temporary)
When we start off with a small mind...
The gap is big
The stretching intense
And the experience strong
But when the mind, by whatever means
Has already been expanded
The gap is small
Or non-existent
And the stretching feels like nothing
May not take place at all
And that's a good thing
Unless one wants an experience
In which case it's not
But as I said in the beginning...
It's transformation that's where it's at
Not necessarily experience
Or, at least
I have my theory
Thing is
With these things
What we're actually feeling
When it's so powerful and overwhelming
Are the stretch marks
The gap between where we are
And where they take you to
(However temporary)
When we start off with a small mind...
The gap is big
The stretching intense
And the experience strong
But when the mind, by whatever means
Has already been expanded
The gap is small
Or non-existent
And the stretching feels like nothing
May not take place at all
And that's a good thing
Unless one wants an experience
In which case it's not
But as I said in the beginning...
It's transformation that's where it's at
Not necessarily experience
17.
So that was that
Another annoying night in my tent
Tolerating queasiness
And waiting for it to wear off
Made a little extra annoying
By the San Luis couple
On their own peyote trip
Blasting out really terrible loud music
In the middle of the night
To my incredulation
And
Eventually
I go over there and see them
And there they are
Sitting next to the pickup
Drinking Tecate Light
And looking kind of spaced
And there's the Huichol guy
In the eternal rock-like pose of the Indian
Perfectly vacant
Endlessly patient
Tolerating everything
Even things that are complete shit
Like that awful music
And this couple
And their beers
Another annoying night in my tent
Tolerating queasiness
And waiting for it to wear off
Made a little extra annoying
By the San Luis couple
On their own peyote trip
Blasting out really terrible loud music
In the middle of the night
To my incredulation
And
Eventually
I go over there and see them
And there they are
Sitting next to the pickup
Drinking Tecate Light
And looking kind of spaced
And there's the Huichol guy
In the eternal rock-like pose of the Indian
Perfectly vacant
Endlessly patient
Tolerating everything
Even things that are complete shit
Like that awful music
And this couple
And their beers
18.
In the morning
After I get my legs back
I pack up camp
Go see the Irish guy
And tell him what happened
He reckons it's pretty unprecedented
For someone to eat a kilo of peyote
And feel next to nothing
But I tell him my theory
(Always awkward
Aware that it sounds like
Blowing one's own trumpet
And that's not allowed)
(Though actually just objective
If you think about it)
But I think he kind of gets it
And after we've chatted a few hours
Drank some tea
Put some eggs and corn in my body
He runs me on his bike back to
Dusty old
Wadley
(He tells me travellers love that place -
God only knows why)
And I set off with my thumb once again
Heading south
For what else is there to do?
I'm dirty
I need a shower
Want a bed
Have hardly anything left in the way of clothing
Having somehow accidentally given away (or lost)
All but three of my t-shirts
And my one pair of jeans
Is beginning to fall to pieces
As is my backpack
And everything else
It's all feeling like the end of something
A limping home
My mind often harking back to
When this whole journey began
Four and a half years ago
With that vision of Greece
And the subsequent abandoning of
My "normal life"
That followed
And -
Now tired
Still a little queasy
Everything stinking
My shoes about done
But unable to find a pair in my size
In the whole of Mexico
(Same for jeans
Same for a hat)
Dragging that wheely case
Through the dust, over stones
And the weird thought of England
Ever-growing in my brain
These past few weeks
After three-quarters of a year
Of not thinking about it at all
Is this the end of the road?
Am I really going "home"?
(As I keep singing in my head
For whatever reason
"It's all right
And it's coming on
We've got to get right back to where we
Started from")
But where is home?
Where did we start from?
And what's inEngland
for me?
(A little frightened because of
How grim it was
The last time I was there)
(Though perhaps I shouldn't have been there...)
And then -
Could it not be another place
That I started from?
TheUS ?
Baja?
Which always feels like home too
I dunno...
I've got some figuring out to do
These thoughts are becoming all-consuming
But...
It also feels pretty weird
To think that I could be walking down English streets
Within a few days
After I get my legs back
I pack up camp
Go see the Irish guy
And tell him what happened
He reckons it's pretty unprecedented
For someone to eat a kilo of peyote
And feel next to nothing
But I tell him my theory
(Always awkward
Aware that it sounds like
Blowing one's own trumpet
And that's not allowed)
(Though actually just objective
If you think about it)
But I think he kind of gets it
And after we've chatted a few hours
Drank some tea
Put some eggs and corn in my body
He runs me on his bike back to
Dusty old
Wadley
(He tells me travellers love that place -
God only knows why)
And I set off with my thumb once again
Heading south
For what else is there to do?
I'm dirty
I need a shower
Want a bed
Have hardly anything left in the way of clothing
Having somehow accidentally given away (or lost)
All but three of my t-shirts
And my one pair of jeans
Is beginning to fall to pieces
As is my backpack
And everything else
It's all feeling like the end of something
A limping home
My mind often harking back to
When this whole journey began
Four and a half years ago
With that vision of Greece
And the subsequent abandoning of
My "normal life"
That followed
And -
Now tired
Still a little queasy
Everything stinking
My shoes about done
But unable to find a pair in my size
In the whole of Mexico
(Same for jeans
Same for a hat)
Dragging that wheely case
Through the dust, over stones
And the weird thought of England
Ever-growing in my brain
These past few weeks
After three-quarters of a year
Of not thinking about it at all
Is this the end of the road?
Am I really going "home"?
(As I keep singing in my head
For whatever reason
"It's all right
And it's coming on
We've got to get right back to where we
Started from")
But where is home?
Where did we start from?
And what's in
(A little frightened because of
How grim it was
The last time I was there)
(Though perhaps I shouldn't have been there...)
And then -
Could it not be another place
That I started from?
The
Baja?
Which always feels like home too
I dunno...
I've got some figuring out to do
These thoughts are becoming all-consuming
But...
It also feels pretty weird
To think that I could be walking down English streets
Within a few days
19.
PS
You don't have to worry about giving me advice
(Unless it's practical, and useful)
This writing is just
The expression
The clearing of the pipes
The message to the Universe
Which enables the answer
To arrive
The magic that occurs
When I type it all out
And stand up from the keyboard
A new man
Empty and refreshed
And walk into the future
Unknown
You don't have to worry about giving me advice
(Unless it's practical, and useful)
This writing is just
The expression
The clearing of the pipes
The message to the Universe
Which enables the answer
To arrive
The magic that occurs
When I type it all out
And stand up from the keyboard
A new man
Empty and refreshed
And walk into the future
Unknown
20.
PPS
I feel bad about the phrases
"Dirt-scrabble Injun"
And
"Plant medicine crap"
And thought about them a lot
While I was off in the desert
I guess I just like being irreverant sometimes
And have inherited that glorious British tendency
Of antipedestalisationism
Which, when you think about it
Is just the Universe seeking balance
(I'm being tongue-in-cheek here)
And, in effect,
A metaphysical version of
One of the Laws of Thermodynamics
(I'm not smart enough to know which one)
So...
Yeah
I'll edit them out at some point
As well as everything else I've ever written
That was even slightly objectionable
And be more careful in the future
Unless I feel like being otherwise
(wink)
I feel bad about the phrases
"Dirt-scrabble Injun"
And
"Plant medicine crap"
And thought about them a lot
While I was off in the desert
I guess I just like being irreverant sometimes
And have inherited that glorious British tendency
Of antipedestalisationism
Which, when you think about it
Is just the Universe seeking balance
(I'm being tongue-in-cheek here)
And, in effect,
A metaphysical version of
One of the Laws of Thermodynamics
(I'm not smart enough to know which one)
So...
Yeah
I'll edit them out at some point
As well as everything else I've ever written
That was even slightly objectionable
And be more careful in the future
Unless I feel like being otherwise
(wink)
21.
In a nutshell:
Done
Head emptied
Words pasted here
For your perusal
Misunderstanding
Indifference
Head-nodding agreement
I guess now it's time
To head out into the San Miguel sun
Pick up my laundry
Wear something that doesn't stink
Grab a bite to eat
(Possibly some Ritz crackers and Philadelphia
My current "dirty treat" of choice)
And figure out what
The near future will bring
Which is hopefully something that
Doesn't suck balls
Nor something less good
Than living in this beautiful city
And locking myself in a little room
And typing till I can type no more
In between visits to
Groovy, gruesome churches
Where the Jesuses wear wigs
Bleed and look pained
And I giggle thinking of how
I spend my vacation
Sitting under Marys
Shedding attachment
And feeling happy
Rather than the restaurants and dancing
Of other people's holidays
Oddball that I am
Done
Head emptied
Words pasted here
For your perusal
Misunderstanding
Indifference
Head-nodding agreement
I guess now it's time
To head out into the San Miguel sun
Pick up my laundry
Wear something that doesn't stink
Grab a bite to eat
(Possibly some Ritz crackers and Philadelphia
My current "dirty treat" of choice)
And figure out what
The near future will bring
Which is hopefully something that
Doesn't suck balls
Nor something less good
Than living in this beautiful city
And locking myself in a little room
And typing till I can type no more
In between visits to
Groovy, gruesome churches
Where the Jesuses wear wigs
Bleed and look pained
And I giggle thinking of how
I spend my vacation
Sitting under Marys
Shedding attachment
And feeling happy
Rather than the restaurants and dancing
Of other people's holidays
Oddball that I am
22.
Oh!
And I rode a freight train
A Mexican freight!
It was only for like ten seconds
(Was going the wrong way)
But still...
And I rode a freight train
A Mexican freight!
It was only for like ten seconds
(Was going the wrong way)
But still...
23.
That's all. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment