Movies

1. People be like, "You all ready for Christmas?" - but I'm not really sure what that means. In this one regard, at least, the Jehovah's Witnesses seem to have got it right.

2. Every time I open a newspaper there's this singer in it called Adele. Seems like she must be really good. I was thinking, maybe it's time I listened to one of her songs. Recommend a good one?

3. Doctor says the other day, 'So the good news is, you haven't got bowel cancer.' Is it weird that I detected within myself a slight trace of disappointment?

4. I think I'll go on a tour of the UK in the New Year. Lettuce no phew one metre fizz atchoo.

5. Here's a movie I watched the other night and right enjoyed: A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night.

6. If you read that sentence and thought, hm, okay, maybe I'll watch that - please, I implore you, don't go wiki it or imdb it or read a review or any of the rest of it: that'd be mad! Just takes the fun out.

7. Reviews are weird, aren't they? 'Cos if they're bad but it's for a film you like, there's always a tiny nagging voice that makes you enjoy it just that little bit less. Or is that just me?

8. The ideal is this: no reviews, no trailers, no idea what the genre is, no knowledge of who's in it. When the opening credits roll, cover your eyes, or at least cover the bit on the screen where the actor's name pops up: that way it's a lovely surprise when so-and-so first steps into frame.

9. I guess I'm at an age now where most films are generally just some other film from before. The arc, the dialogue, the ubiquitous love then falling out then getting back together. Formulaic is the word. But still, some do the trick; here are the ones I've watched recently wot I'd recommend if you're lookin' for a flick and can't find owt: John Dies at the End; Jeff, Who Lives at Home; Safety Not Guaranteed; Baghead; Rec; 1408; Sinister; that one I mentioned above.

10. I also watched that movie Trainwreck with the American girl called Amy who's always going on chat shows and talking about how fat she is. I think it was okay but, I'll be honest, I can't actually remember anything about it except that she was supposed to be this massive slapper but then every time she got down with some guy she always kept her bra and even panties on, and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't really do that if she was the character she was supposed to be.

11. Still, in a way, even though her whole keeping her underwear thing on was a bit daft, it's perhaps good that she did - they just get in the way, boobs, don't they? It's like that film Blue is the Warmest Colour - I mean, maybe I'm getting old, but I could quite happily have done without the whole 7-minute explicit lesbian sex scene. I think it was Kurt Vonnegut who said he didn't write much sex in his books because people tend to get fixated on that, and I've totally come to see where he was coming from. If I ever write another book, it's gonna be sex-free. And if I ever re-edit my first one, I think I shall chop it all out of there too.

12. The oldies are the best, eh? Revisited Brian De Palma's Blow Out the other day; wow, that's a good 'un. S'got John Travolta in it when he was however old he was in 1981, plus also an evil John Lithgow. How I'd love it if one of my young chums read this, then downloaded it and watched it, and dug it too.

13. Finally, talking movies, I gave Insidious a try. Good start - but then there was the bit where the guy should have popped in a copy of 1982's Poltergeist and got us to watch that instead. Missed a trick there, I reckon.